YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
