I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
