I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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