apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
