You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm both gender and math confused
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
