Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
