im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
