There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
