I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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