fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
