I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
