all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
