Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
