There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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