he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
