How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
whose ass print is on the piano?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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