Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
