Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
