I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
