He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
