I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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