very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
