nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
