I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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