I wannas sexs uuuuu
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
