the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Randomize
