Say something about gay babies.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My feet surprised me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
