so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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