watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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