I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
