dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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