Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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