i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
