i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
