I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
