Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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