Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
