Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
