He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
