Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
