sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
