if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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