Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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