Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
