everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
