I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
