This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
