It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
