with your own penis?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
