I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
