xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
