he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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