new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
