youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he was CRYING into my vagina
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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