Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
